Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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