Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I wish my penis had an off switch
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
