honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
