Don't make out with my wife yet
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Every concussion has its silver lining
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
