i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
