You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Randomize
