You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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