im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
