Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
