I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Just puked most of my soul out..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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