You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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