so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
