We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
