oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
