girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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