Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
