fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
