the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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