Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
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you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
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So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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