Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
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