he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
