He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
