never play flip cup with pint glasses
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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