there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
