I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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