Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Im just a social blackout drinker.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Randomize
