What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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