So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
