before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
