My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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