I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
Randomize
