Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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