Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Randomize
