Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Randomize
