Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Randomize
