Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
