At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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