dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
