i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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