I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
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