now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
