would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
