I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
