I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
