it's too hot outside to masturbate.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
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