Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
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