woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
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