I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
