There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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