I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
