see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
