I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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