Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
