Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
