I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
im about as happy as oj after his trial
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
