No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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