You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
