Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
