I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
