they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
