I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
