I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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